Part of the You're Dead, Now What series:
Buongiorno, dear travellers! It's your guide, Dante Alighieri, here to take you on a divine tour of Heaven - a place so heavenly that even your wildest dreams can't compare. So, strap in for an otherworldly journey through the celestial spheres.
Our first stop is the sphere of the Moon, where you'll meet spirits that were a bit fickle in life. Don't worry, they're quite friendly and love to chat about the marvellous illumination of Heaven.
Next, we ascend to Mercury, where ambitious souls reside. They may have been too caught up in worldly affairs in life, but now they're enjoying the divine splendour of Heaven.
As we continue our ascent, we reach Venus, the sphere of love. Here, you'll find the souls who loved passionately but sometimes let their affections go astray. They've been forgiven and now bask in Heaven's divine light.
We've reached the Sun, dear friends! In this sphere, you'll meet wise souls who dedicated their lives to knowledge and wisdom. They'll dazzle you with their brilliant minds and radiant presence.
Next, we venture to the sphere of Mars, where brave souls who fought for a just cause dwell. Their courage and valour shine through as they regale you with tales of their battles and heroic deeds.
Now, we ascend to Jupiter, the sphere of justice and righteous rulers Here, you'll find souls who governed with fairness and wisdom, ensuring harmony and prosperity for their people.
Our penultimate stop is Saturn, the sphere of contemplation and divine knowledge. Here, you'll encounter wise and pious souls who devoted themselves to the pursuit of truth and understanding.
And finally, we reach the Empyrean, the highest sphere of Heaven and God's dwelling place. Here, you'll witness the divine essence of Heaven and behold the sublime beauty of God's creation.
So, there you have it - a celestial tour of Heaven with yours truly, Dante Alighieri. It's been a pleasure guiding you through these divine spheres. Remember, Heaven is a place where all your dreams come true, so don't forget to dream big, my friends! Just be sure to meet the entry requirements at the gates, and you might find yourself enjoying an eternal paradise beyond your wildest imagination.
As you prepare to leave this divine realm, remember the words of my beloved Beatrice: "Heaven's own light, which never knows decay". So, go forth, travellers, and carry the light of Heaven in your hearts.
Dante Alighieri. The Divine Comedy. Translated by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, P.F. Collier & Son, 1909.